Seme or Uke
by Feyren
Summary: Niou takes an online quiz in the library.


My friend showed me a Seme or Uke? quiz and I just had to take it. Well, yeah, she forced me. Anyway, I took a few other Seme/Uke quizzes and got the same result, so I mixed all the quizzes I took together to make this one.

* * *

"Hey, Niou-senpai!" Akaya called. The entire tennis team was gathered in the library, for it was free period and they were bored. However, Sanada chose to distance himself from the others, reading an Agatha Christie novel. "I found this awesome quiz!"

Niou had been observing some fashion magazines. Upon finding that none of the photos were as 'R' rated as he would have liked, he abandoned them and walked over to Akaya. "Yeah? What's it about?"

"It's a Seme/Uke quiz," he explained. "You want to take it?"

"Did you guys take it yet?" He looked at Yukimura questioningly.

"No, not yet. Akaya thought you might like to take it first." Yukimura smiled. "Would you?"

Niou shrugged. "Sure."

Akaya opened the link and stood up so Niou could sit. "Read the questions aloud," he prompted.

"Fine. Number one: Do you like licking things?" Niou read, staring at the question with amusement. "There are . . . eight whole choices. I'm not reading all of this!"

"Please?"

"Ugh! Fine! You owe me _so _much, brat!"

_1) Do you enjoy licking things?_

_a. Anything 'lickable'. –licks lips-_

_b. What sort of crazy question is that?!_

_c. Are you looking to die?_

_d. Ice cream, I guess . . ._

_e. I like licking things off of my partner's body._

_f. Spoons!_

_g. Well, my partner likes licking things._

_h. What do you mean? –feigns innocence-_

Niou chose 'e' and smiled evilly. "That's a silly question. The answer is so obvious!" Yagyuu rolled his eyes and walked off, in search of a nice novel to read.

_2) Are you top or bottom?_

_a. Top. Why would I ever be on the bottom?_

_b. We alternate._

_c. Bottom . . ._

_d. Why do you care? –licks lips-_

_e. You want to find out for yourself? –evil smirk-_

_f. I will seriously murder you if you ask that again._

_g. You mean bunk beds?_

_h. Does it matter?_

Niou snickered and chose 'b'. Akaya's eyes widened.

_3) Have you ever been tied up?_

_a. That's the dumbest question anyone ever asked me._

_b. Yeah, I have._

_c. I'm usually the one who does the tying, thank you very much._

_d. Yeah, I have. And the tier was punished badly._

_e. Once in a while._

_f. I-I guess . . ._

_g. Ask me that one more time and you'll die._

_h. Why would I be? –wide eyes-_

This time, Niou laughed hysterically and chose 'c'. "Hiroshi, you've got to take this thing!" he cried, still cackling. Why was he taking this quiz, anyway? He was a seme. Everyone knew that.

Yukimura dragged Akaya away, whose eyes were growing as round as saucers. "This is not material for children," he informed the second year, stuffing him in the picture book section of the library. Akaya shrugged, picked up a random book with a lot of colorful pictures and began to read.

_4) Do you ever tie people up?_

_a. Only my partner._

_b. No, I usually . . . get tied up. Heh._

_c. Always. Why do you ask?_

_d. Do presents count?_

_e. You'll be tied up – and murdered – if you ask that one more time._

_f. -licks lips- Oh, yeah. What's it to you?_

_g. Listen carefully. -screaming muffles in the background- Oops. I forgot to untie him/her!_

_h. Yeah, and I'm pretty good at it, too._

Niou chose 'h'.

Marui smirked. "I think you're bluffing."

"Want to find out for yourself?"

Marui backed away slowly to join Akaya in the picture book section. "Is that book The Hungry Caterpillar or something?" The two proceeded to engage in a conversation about picture books.

_5) Last question. What would you get your partner for Christmas?_

_a. Handcuffs._

_b. Me._

_c. A stuffed animal!_

_d. A_ real _stuffed animal._

_e. A box of . . . Dutch cookies?_

_f. Earrings or nose rings or tongue rings._

_g. A computer._

_h. More rope._

Niou grinned. "Oh, I just can't choose!"

From far away, a voice called, "Hurry up, Niou-senpai!"

Niou cackled evilly and chose 'a'. Then he clicked submit and waited patiently as the computer began loading. Yagyuu, Marui, and Akaya walked over to him to read his result.

**You are a . . . Trickster Uke!**

Marui doubled over, laughing, partly because the result said Niou was a trickster, and partly because the result said Niou wasn't a seme. Yukimura tried to hide his smirk, and Akaya just watched, not quite sure what was going on.

Niou gaped. "WHAT THE --!"

Yagyuu chuckled slightly, reading the rest of Niou's result aloud. "You're clever enough to make other people view you a seme in order to get what you want. Your attitude clearly appears to be that of a typical seme, but you are actually the uke in disguise."

Niou stood up, took the laptop in his hands, and hurled it at the nearest bookshelf. The books came tumbling down, and the computer broke in half. The screen was cracked, and the avalanche of books didn't exactly help. "This quiz sucks!" he shouted, stomping out of the library.

"And stay out!" the librarian shouted back.

Niou never took an online quiz again.

* * *

This was just . . . random. Actually, I got the same result as Niou. I wasn't too happy about it either. I gave the quiz a one out of five star rating.


End file.
